It's been a year...

It has been just over a year since I gave birth to the sweetest surrogate baby I've ever seen! Baby is doing so well and I just love getting the updates and reconnecting for a moment with his sweet momma. 

I very much still hope to have another surrogate journey in the future, but it will have to wait a bit longer than I first thought it would...

I'm 14 weeks from having a little one to bring home to our soon to be family of 5 under our roof! Thought the newborn life was over at our house, but life has a funny way of operating! We're very excited and I honestly can't believe we only have 14 weeks at most to wait on this little one 😍Here's to life getting a little busier and a little sweeter!

2 months and a day

2 months and a day ago I gave birth to my sweet surrobabe. 

It was everything I expected and more. The feeling is incomparable. The sound of a mother seeing and holding a child she thought was out of her reach was something incredible. Knowing I am part of that story is surreal.

I had a regularly scheduled OB appointment, and I went in hoping to be dilated and ready to have this baby! Nope, not dilated, seems a itty bitty bit of scar tissue was keeping me from dilating. Go. Figure. However she pops in and asks me to come back to the nurse's room to retake my blood pressure. Turns out the dipstick was showing protein in my urine which is an early sign of the big nasty pre-eclampsia. She retook my blood pressure and it was slightly elevated, but within norms. At this point my doctor has taken over and pretty well decided it is baby time. We aren't in any trouble or danger at this point, but if left alone we could get there. She said there is no point in even risking it. At 39 weeks, frequent contractions (I didn't think they were excessive or painful though,) the fact that these contractions were doing anything likely due to that sliver of scar tissue, early early indications that we **might** be heading down the road to pre-eclampsia, and the simple fact that I was ready and willing to have this little one enter the world. Pause there.

Remember this isn't my kiddo. So instantly I'm nervous. I know baby is fine. I know I am fine, but this is were being a surrogate changes things. I now needed to call my IM and let her know what was going on. In the previous week we had talked about inducing at 39 weeks and she decided she didn't want to do that, and that we should wait a little longer to see if baby would come spontaneously. I was upset. I was ready to plan this 39 week induction and to have it not be 100% my option was really hard for me since I had been expecting this to be my finish line all along. I got over it of course. However now I have to call her and let her know we really should do a 39 week induction, and I was worried she would think I was in cahoots with my doctor in getting this baby out on my timeline. My lovely IM being the awesome person she is took it in stride. She said that her and my IP would be flying in that evening. She spoke with my doctor to get an idea of what was going to be happening while they were flying down and I was sent over to Labor and Delivery.

My hospital is AH-MAZING. I walked over, got checked in (by the way, they redid the dipstick in Labor and Delivery and it was perfectly normal!) They started the induction process pretty quickly. I had already decided to hold off on any medications as long as possible (really until fear took over.) By lunchtime they had the cervix softener in with the hopes that it would soften that sliver of scar tissue and let my contractions take over. Well, my body knows what labor is, and pretty quickly caught on to what was supposed to be happening. I started have contractions 30 seconds apart within a couple hours of starting the softener which was supposed to stay in for 12 hours. We had to pull it out by the 6 hour mark to slow things down a bit. My IPs arrived that evening and we spent some time enjoying each other's company and chit chatting. All of us amazed that this time had come already. We were soon joined by Mary (she's AWESOME!!) who was our case manager through Growing Generations. It was so nice to sit and spend time with everyone. My hospital set my IPs up in the room next door so they would go next door here and there. 11pm or so and I'm still having plenty of contractions I decide I'm going to go hang out in the shower for a while. I know they're going to want to start pitocin in a little bit which will mean staying hooked up to the IV until after delivery so I took advantage of the time I could move around freely. Once I showered I spoke with my nurse and asked that we didn't start the pitocin until morning or we would have a baby tonight and I REALLY wanted my doctor to be the one to deliver. However at this point I'm ready to get some sleep so after some back and forth I decide to take the stadol my nurse was offering. She said I would pretty much just sleep through the happenings of the rest of the night.That stuff is preeeeetty awesome. However I'm known to fight through pain meds and anesthesia so I still woke up anytime someone came in the room, but I was definitely not feeling a lot of pain and felt kinda like I was in the twilight zone.

Morning time came and about 6am they started pitocin. I was going to try and wait out my epidural for a while longer, and pain wise I could have. However I knew my doctor was going to come in and the first thing she would want to do would be to break my water. With that in mind I went ahead and agreed to the epidural and by 6:30 my epidural was in place. Sure enough when my doctor (have I mentioned she is AMAZING???) came in around 7:30-8ish she broke my water. Said we would have baby this afternoon. She was scheduled in the OR today, but would come down between procedures and told my nurses to call her instead of the on-call doc for delivery. She left for the OR and we settled in for the day. Or so we thought...

Around 9:30ish my doctor comes back to my room,we chat, she checks me, I'm only 5cms dilated at this point. I'm uncomfortable, but not in any pain so I told my nurse I don't want to turn over to my other side yet. We chat for a bit longer and the nurse, my doc, and I all guess which afternoon hour this baby will arrive. My doc then goes next door (my IPs always left the room during checks, I'm modest all the way) to update my IPs on the progress. By now it's about 9:45 and my super cheerful nurse whizzes in the room and she is ALL. BUSINESS. She's very calm, but she says I need to turn over. I asked her if the baby was in distress and she BARELY nodded her head yes as she is checking all the monitors and getting a reading on baby. I turn over, she threw the oxygen mask on the bed, hit a button and said she needed hands. The CALVARY arrived. I swear every nurse on that floor was in the room within SECONDS, I actually took a second to count at least 7 of them. My doctor comes back in, and I found out later they asked the parents and Mary to wait a moment as we were just going to be moving around. My IF and Mary decide to run downstairs to get a bagel....of. course. My IM must have had a sense of things happening as she decided to go ahead and poke her head in, I'm so glad she did. My doctor asks for the OR to be readied and it's is looking a lot like we're going to have an emergency c-section. My doctor was able to feel babies head, and that the cord was wrapped around babe's neck which was causing the decels due to the cord being compressed. When she checked she also let me know that I was now 10cms dilated. Going from 5cm to 10cm in those few minutes saved me from the OR. My IM was by the head of the bed and I'll never forget how she repeated my name as her baby was being born. Three pushes and baby arrived. Baby took a second to cry, but pinked up and looked perfect. My IF made it in the room within 60 seconds of baby being born, he threw the bagel bag on the floor, and the look on his face was priceless as he met his new baby for the first time.

During all the excitement everyone always forgets that the placenta needs to be delivered. Of course my doctor being the pro she is was being watchful and thankfully so as my uterus decide to join the freakin circus for a minute and attempted to flip inside out. I say it with jest because she caught it and kept it from happening, but it's a big big deal if it does manage to completely invert. Have I mentioned that my doctor is a ROCKSTAR??

They took care of baby in the room and things settled down my IPs and their fresh little one sat down in my room and we all just looked at each other. I think we were all a little stunned. The rapidness of baby's arrival, the dramatic flair baby decided to throw in the mix, the fact that my IF toasting my IMs bagel twice because that's how she likes it caused him to miss the actual delivery. I had my room pretty cold, and suggested that they take baby next door where it was warmer, and I was going to attempt to get up and move around a bit. One bonus to a super fast delivery is that the epidural wears off pretty quick when you haven't had it in for very long. I was able to get up and walk much sooner than anyone expected.

My IPs came back over right about the time the nurse came and said they had two rooms ready for us over on the Mother Baby unit. Holding a baby and taking the ride over the Mother Baby I was pretty darn proud as I looked to my side and saw these two beaming parents. I could have gone home the same evening of delivery, but decide to stay so we could have some extra visiting time.We spent the evening and next day visiting and ooooing and aahing over baby. My mom came to visit and held baby, and my kiddos came to see the tiny human I had been growing for the family far far away. 24 hours after delivery we said our goodbye for nows. It was all so special, but so simple. Just perfect. 

Hospital Bag + Surrogate Pregnancy = A bit of spoiling myself!

Do. Not. Forget. The. Chapstick. Do. Not. Forget. The. Chapstick. Do. Not. Forget. The. Chapstick. Do. Not. Forget. The. Chapstick. Do. Not. Forget. The. Chapstick. Do. Not. Forget. The. Chapstick. Do. Not. Forget. The. Chapstick. Do. Not. Forget. The. Chapstick. 

I have to repeat that a lot, or I will undoubtedly forget the chapstick. If I have a regret during the birth of my children it was that I forgot the chapstick. Huge mistake. 

So I've been told by at least 3 different people now that they can't believe I haven't packed my "go bag." To be honest...it hasn't been much on my mind. A surrogate pregnancy, and a third pregnancy, can make a lady a little lax in the get ready delivery is coming department. I haven't been prepping a nursery, building a crib, washing tons of clothes, stacking diapers, or stocking wipes. I have been very much enjoying this little one wiggle and squirm all over the place. I simply can't believe it's so close to delivery day; I feel like we just got started. 

However, after one of my closest friends asked about my bag a week or so ago I decided to start ordering a couple things. Then as I was about to start ordering things I realized they are all ME things. It's one of those surrogacy bonus' I would say. I will have a gift basket that I've created with things from here and there for this babe and my awesome intended family. 

So...back to ordering and packing...

This is what I have so far  

• "pretty" hospital gown for labor/delivery
  • A totally unnecessary item that may get ruined beforeSurrobabe is actually born, but it's a "me" item and I love it  
    
• Nursing gown to wear after delivery
• I'll just be pumping, but the same access still applies! 

• Nursing bras
• Socks with grips on the bottom so the hospital doesn't try to make me wear their hideous ones that fall off my feet anyways

These have a special meaning for my IM and I. I also bought and wore dandelion socks during transfer for some good vibes...socks are kind of a thing for me :) 

• Lightweight robe

• Always Infinity pads
  • These are AMAZING...I don't know how they hold so much, but they're so much more comfortable than the GIANT pads the hospital gives that made me feel like I was wearing a diaper
  • I do however LURV me some mesh hospital underwear...go figure
• Nursing pads
  • I'll see what the hospital gives me, but I love my Lansinoh ones
• Lansinoh milk bags
• Charger of course
• Headphones & Bluetooth speaker
• Postpartum belly support
• Something to wear home
• Hair straightener
• I'll have time while babe is hanging with family
• Makeup
  • Again...I won't be in charge of baby care...I just want to feel pretty for me! 
• Chapstick...for the love of all things good I will remember the chapstick

365 Days

It has been 12 months, 1 year, 365 days since I began my surrogacy journey

That countdown is the very same one that is at the top of this blog, and it's also right next to the other one that says today that I'm 31 weeks 5 days pregnant with my IPs little one. 

In 365 days I've gone from thinking about it to starting it to living it! I'm not far from delivery either...according to the countdown on that ticker I have 58 days until I deliver this sweet babe and watch a wonderful family grow by two more sweet little feet. 

That's wrong though. I won't make it another 58 days...my body doesn't tend to torture me with making it to a due date or beyond. Anytime from 37 weeks on is fair game and my body tends to decide it has done enough growing so babies end up evicted between 37 & 38 weeks. My son was born at 37 weeks and my daughter was somewhere between 37 and 38...we think; there were some measuring mishaps in the very beginning that created some confusion. Healthy is always the most important aspect when it comes to delivery time, I feel pretty darn confident that this little one will check that box. 

This pregnancy has been SO EASY. Now to be fair I have had easy pregnancies with my two bio kids, but there is just an extra layer of easy when you're not planning on bringing a newborn home to live with you. I have been able to enjoy all the pregnancy fun though. The moves and jabs, and the ultrasounds, and the pants with the waistband that doesn't judge :) This is a really sweet and special aspect to surrogacy that everyone, myself included, may not consider when considering a surrogate journey. These "carefree" joys of pregnancy without the planning, and clothes washing, and furniture building, and budget crunching, and all of the other things that happen when you're planning on bringing home a newborn. Don't get me wrong..I enjoyed these things when I was pregnant with my bio kids, but these are also things that were stressors at a different angle depending on the moment. I think the only real pregnancy "complaint" I can file is mild heartburn...nothing to write home about. I've just used it as an excuse to grab a scoop of frozen yogurt or a swig of chocolate milk <3 

Not only has this pregnancy been easy, but it is also flying by, and that is something I'm thankful for on one hand and not on another. I feel like it's going to be over before I'm done enjoying it! I also know that my IPs are going to be busy so while we'll stay in touch it may not be as frequent. This isn't because they have their baby and they're "done with me" as some have said, but because life with a newborn tends to slow communication. The communication may slow on my side as well as I get back to full speed in my life. We'll stay in touch, I made sure to talk about how important that was for me from the very start of this journey, but life will be happening for both families so I expect a slow down. My kids are already looking forward to the day we go to visit our IPs and the family at their home, and it's something my IM and I talk about here and there...it will be such a great time :) 

Speaking of my kiddos. They have been really enjoying feeling this baby move around now that they movements have gotten "big" enough for them to notice. Little Miss E is always checking to make sure things are in place at this baby's home. Enough blankets? Careful siblings? Will baby snowmen be built? She was my biggest concern when it came to the kids understanding what was happening. She knows this baby isn't her sibling, and this baby will not be living with us. All my worries about her understanding were quickly put to rest and she thinks it's as normal as can be. I love her sweet little heart. Big Man N has little to no questions, but does enjoy feeling the baby move around. 

Outside of this pregnancy this year has been enjoyable and somewhat uneventful. We've made several trips to Disney and the beach, a trip to Tennessee to visit family, added a pup-dog to the family just before Christmas, lots of baseball, tumble (gymnastics) joined the line-up this past year, and I've gained some mom friends who have just become friends. 2016 was a really great year and I'm looking forward to enjoying what 2017 has to offer. 

Quiet moment on the beach for N

Little Miss E being her sassy self

Some things have changed...

We're talking belly size here people! 

We left off last time finding out that I was indeed carrying a wee human being for my IPs. We went to a cautiously happy place finding out that the wee one was indeed able to stick around. Then we started the testing. While there was screening done prior to transfer we all know life is full of possibilities. So we went on the trek over the past three months of checking all the parts, bells, and whistles. Information is surely knowledge here, and my IPs wanted to know if their beloved babe would be facing any hardships that they should know about ahead of time. So we all waited for the proper weeks to arrive for the proper blood test to be drawn, we visited maternal-fetal medicine for a scan at 13 weeks, and we waited again for the proper week for the next blood draw. All of the screening done on this kiddo showed us what my gut already knew. Then we went on to the "big one." The scan that most everyone looks forward to, but sometimes that scan doesn't just lead to a gender reveal. It can expose life changing, or even life ending conditions. My IF was able to join me for this scan (more on that later!) 

After all of the testing, and scanning, and consulting we sat down with the doc in the maternal-fetal medicine office. This baby is beautiful. This baby is healthy. This baby is a little stubborn. This baby has scheduled naps that one should not interrupt with an ultrasound. This baby has two very happy parents and one proud surrogate. Plus, the maternal-fetal medicine doc put the cherry on top with the statement, "We have great views of this little one since there's not a lot of you to look through." At a time when I'm feeling so much larger than my normal self (those meds in the beginning are no joke!) that statement really made me feel pretty darn good. 

Being we have such great views, all sorts of blood tests, and plenty of movement now I think we have all exhaled a bit. To be clear, my exhale is more of a thankful one for my IM who understandably is going to hold her breath until she holds her sweet baby in her arms. It's so easy to take a healthy and easy pregnancy for granted, but for others like my IM they live through their darkest days just hoping to make it to that sweet baby smell. It has been a reminder to me to be thankful. To look at my children who were born healthy and be thankful, to know my children aren't missing siblings they never had a chance to meet and be thankful for that, thankful to never have felt the incredible pain of losing a child I so desperately wanted, and so incredibly thankful that my IPs have chosen me to trust to grow their sweet baby. 

Before we had the anatomy scan my IF and I were taken on a tour of the hospital. I have given birth at this hospital before, but it has been 5ish years so there have been some changes! We ran into one moment that made me give a nurse "the look," and that is when they told me I would have to sign the birth certificate since I would be considered the legal mother until the DNA test came back. First, I laughed...I told them we have no doubt that this baby is not mine. Second, I let them know that I give birth to blondes, and this baby will surely be brunette ( I know, I know this isn't sound science, but it's what was making me laugh at the moment.) My third thought I kept to myself since it was my Taurus personality reeving up for a delivery room stand, and letting them know I would be refusing to sign the birth certificate.  Now I wasn't preparing my battle for fear of being "stuck" with this little one. My first thought was thinking of another woman signing my child's birth certificate, and to say it kindly there is no way in Hades I would willingly go along with that plan out of respect for my IM. Of course one email to the agency, and particularly my case manager Mary, and this was all cleared up. The proper parents will be able to be on original birth certificate. After the tour we sat and had a quick coffee and snack break, and had a chance to just sit and chat. I still can't get over how incredible my IPs are. We get along and chat like we've known each other forever. They are so thoughtful and genuinely care about not just me as their surrogate, but as just me and for my kids. 

Now we wait some more...I do believe there will be more belly changes to document. In fact...I have some clothes on the way from two clothing mail delivery services that will be super cute for belly pictures in the future. Can't wait to share!! 

Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG)

They call it THE two week wait. They say it is one of the most terrible waits one must endure on the journey to create a human with the hands of science at play. They are correct. 

We know this little one was a 5 day blastocyst which is thought to have a better success rate compared to a 3 dayer. We know according to genetic testing (Preimplantation genetic screening, aka PGS) on this tiny one that some of the factors that contribute to early miscarriages are not present. We know that the place this little one is supposed to call home for the next 9 months is ready. We know the hormone levels that are supposed to sustain this little one in the first trimester are right....seriously...my bum can attest the presence of this hormone that must be injected daily for nearly three months. Plus the oral pills twice a day that have turned me into a lady that cannot be without her purse because that is where the pills live.We know that home pregnancy tests, LOTS of them, have told us this little one has decided to stick around and grow. We know everyone in this process is hoping for success. 

However...THE two week wait is the lead up to what many call their beta test. This is where they test for the presence of Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG.) This will tell us if indeed implantation has occurred. This will give us a hint if little one is growing in the wrong place (ectopic) as the numbers would grow too fast. It's also not unheard of for the HPTs to give false positives, or for it to be a true positive, but not a viable pregnancy. So many possibilities. However, the IM and I have had a gut feeling from the start that we were going to be having this baby. It was this feeling that we have had to rely on during this wait. 

Well...I have a secret...I've already had my first blood draw, and my hCG was 101! We were thrilled to see that number!! As great as seeing that number was...we had to wait a couple more days, because the key to hCG is seeing it grow (double really.) So two days after the first draw I went in for another to see if we were progressing. I was expecting a number between 200 & 250. Well this little one is a testing whiz already (no surprise...little one's parents are super smart,: ) and gave us a hCG of 308! Today makes four days since that last hCG blood draw, and we had another one this morning. Now we are waiting for the hCG level to be over 2000. This generally tells us that we'll be able to get our first glimpse of Tiny Tot. 

So now we go back to waiting. This seems to be a recurring theme, but all worth it in the end <3 

Well y'all...the stick says it...there's a baby in there!

8 days post transfer!

Well, okay, the medical world calls it an embryo, but to me it's my little ball-o-baby :)

Backing up a little...I started giving myself intramuscular shots of progesterone in oil several weeks ago. This hormone is the helper for the ovaries during this process as my ovaries, who would normally take care of this hormone production in the early stages of pregnancy, have essentially been told to hush since we already had a little egg fertilized and ready to go from the intended parents. They use Lupron to hush those ovaries which is also an injection, but a little bitty needle in the belly. I've also been on estrogen to build up the uterus lining and support the early pregnancy. I should be able to stop taking medications right around the end of the first trimester. I am looking forward to this, and while I know I'm lucky when it comes to the side effects of the medications, nobody really wants to take them or do it for as long as we do! Truth be told...there are nights where I let myself throw a full on tantrum because I have to give myself this shot. Then I put my girl panties on (well...off,) and get that shot stuck where the sun don't shine.

Transfer day was July 1st, and really it was simple and quick...VERY quick! Full bladder, a hair net, my dandelion transfer socks, and a ride to the OR to get this little bit put in its new home! We were in the OR for all of 15 minutes. They did a check to make sure I was indeed supposed to be having this little ball-o-baby put in there. Then they took a look on the ultrasound where we saw my VERY full bladder and this little ones new home. The most uncomfortable bit of all of this is being opened to what feels like the world. I'm super modest, but I have to believe that anyone is uncomfortable with their lady bits having a spotlight...literally...on them. Speculum in. TINY catheter bearing tiny five day old blastocyst painlessly placed right where the doc wanted. Some pushing with the ultrasound to get a picture of the tiny white speck, and the spotlight was turned off and the curtains closed. Hung out in bed for 20 minutes...finally emptied my bladder and that was it! No bed rest, they just asked I didn't try and go tour the town :)

During all of this I have to say I think I have the best intended parents. Super supportive. My IM met my friend and I at the hotel a couple hours prior to transfer so we could just spend some time. She also brought gifts for my kiddos, and let me know that my daughter's gift was picked by her oldest daughter <3 None of our kids know what's going on yet. On my side I want to make sure this goes well before I introduce the idea to my kids, and I believe that is the same thought for my IPs. So for now our kids just know we have special friends in another state. The IF joined us just after we arrived at the hospital and we all spent some time chatting and joking around with each other. Again, they are amazing. The agency that brought us together, Growing Generations, seriously hit the nail on the head with this match. Some confusion at the hospital brought about some frustrated laughs, but all in all it went very smooth.

While I was waiting to be called back to change I asked my IM if she wanted me to take home pregnancy tests or if she just wanted to wait for the blood draws. THANK GOODNESS she said to go for the home tests. My willpower would have seriously been tested if she had said no, but I have vowed to make this as much her choice and her experience as I can.

I started the home pregnancy test madness four days post transfer, and saw a SUPER faint line. One of those lines that only a mother can see!

This one I had to do a little "tweaking" to get it to show up in a photograph, but it's there! 4 days post transfer  :) 

 Day five post transfer the line was actually able to be seen in a photograph: 

Lighting isn't the best, but look close...it's there! 

Day six: 

I had a really hard time photographing this one! 

Day seven: 

Faint, but without a doubt there! 

Day eight:

There is that dark line I have been looking for!!! 

After this test I decided to go ahead with the digital! Since they're not as sensitive I wasn't sure it would pick it up since I was testing in the evening, but the picture at the top was it!