Hospital Bag + Surrogate Pregnancy = A bit of spoiling myself!

Do. Not. Forget. The. Chapstick. Do. Not. Forget. The. Chapstick. Do. Not. Forget. The. Chapstick. Do. Not. Forget. The. Chapstick. Do. Not. Forget. The. Chapstick. Do. Not. Forget. The. Chapstick. Do. Not. Forget. The. Chapstick. Do. Not. Forget. The. Chapstick. 

I have to repeat that a lot, or I will undoubtedly forget the chapstick. If I have a regret during the birth of my children it was that I forgot the chapstick. Huge mistake. 

So I've been told by at least 3 different people now that they can't believe I haven't packed my "go bag." To be honest...it hasn't been much on my mind. A surrogate pregnancy, and a third pregnancy, can make a lady a little lax in the get ready delivery is coming department. I haven't been prepping a nursery, building a crib, washing tons of clothes, stacking diapers, or stocking wipes. I have been very much enjoying this little one wiggle and squirm all over the place. I simply can't believe it's so close to delivery day; I feel like we just got started. 

However, after one of my closest friends asked about my bag a week or so ago I decided to start ordering a couple things. Then as I was about to start ordering things I realized they are all ME things. It's one of those surrogacy bonus' I would say. I will have a gift basket that I've created with things from here and there for this babe and my awesome intended family. 

So...back to ordering and packing...

This is what I have so far  

• "pretty" hospital gown for labor/delivery
  • A totally unnecessary item that may get ruined beforeSurrobabe is actually born, but it's a "me" item and I love it  
    
• Nursing gown to wear after delivery
• I'll just be pumping, but the same access still applies! 

• Nursing bras
• Socks with grips on the bottom so the hospital doesn't try to make me wear their hideous ones that fall off my feet anyways

These have a special meaning for my IM and I. I also bought and wore dandelion socks during transfer for some good vibes...socks are kind of a thing for me :) 

• Lightweight robe

• Always Infinity pads
  • These are AMAZING...I don't know how they hold so much, but they're so much more comfortable than the GIANT pads the hospital gives that made me feel like I was wearing a diaper
  • I do however LURV me some mesh hospital underwear...go figure
• Nursing pads
  • I'll see what the hospital gives me, but I love my Lansinoh ones
• Lansinoh milk bags
• Charger of course
• Headphones & Bluetooth speaker
• Postpartum belly support
• Something to wear home
• Hair straightener
• I'll have time while babe is hanging with family
• Makeup
  • Again...I won't be in charge of baby care...I just want to feel pretty for me! 
• Chapstick...for the love of all things good I will remember the chapstick

365 Days

It has been 12 months, 1 year, 365 days since I began my surrogacy journey

That countdown is the very same one that is at the top of this blog, and it's also right next to the other one that says today that I'm 31 weeks 5 days pregnant with my IPs little one. 

In 365 days I've gone from thinking about it to starting it to living it! I'm not far from delivery either...according to the countdown on that ticker I have 58 days until I deliver this sweet babe and watch a wonderful family grow by two more sweet little feet. 

That's wrong though. I won't make it another 58 days...my body doesn't tend to torture me with making it to a due date or beyond. Anytime from 37 weeks on is fair game and my body tends to decide it has done enough growing so babies end up evicted between 37 & 38 weeks. My son was born at 37 weeks and my daughter was somewhere between 37 and 38...we think; there were some measuring mishaps in the very beginning that created some confusion. Healthy is always the most important aspect when it comes to delivery time, I feel pretty darn confident that this little one will check that box. 

This pregnancy has been SO EASY. Now to be fair I have had easy pregnancies with my two bio kids, but there is just an extra layer of easy when you're not planning on bringing a newborn home to live with you. I have been able to enjoy all the pregnancy fun though. The moves and jabs, and the ultrasounds, and the pants with the waistband that doesn't judge :) This is a really sweet and special aspect to surrogacy that everyone, myself included, may not consider when considering a surrogate journey. These "carefree" joys of pregnancy without the planning, and clothes washing, and furniture building, and budget crunching, and all of the other things that happen when you're planning on bringing home a newborn. Don't get me wrong..I enjoyed these things when I was pregnant with my bio kids, but these are also things that were stressors at a different angle depending on the moment. I think the only real pregnancy "complaint" I can file is mild heartburn...nothing to write home about. I've just used it as an excuse to grab a scoop of frozen yogurt or a swig of chocolate milk <3 

Not only has this pregnancy been easy, but it is also flying by, and that is something I'm thankful for on one hand and not on another. I feel like it's going to be over before I'm done enjoying it! I also know that my IPs are going to be busy so while we'll stay in touch it may not be as frequent. This isn't because they have their baby and they're "done with me" as some have said, but because life with a newborn tends to slow communication. The communication may slow on my side as well as I get back to full speed in my life. We'll stay in touch, I made sure to talk about how important that was for me from the very start of this journey, but life will be happening for both families so I expect a slow down. My kids are already looking forward to the day we go to visit our IPs and the family at their home, and it's something my IM and I talk about here and there...it will be such a great time :) 

Speaking of my kiddos. They have been really enjoying feeling this baby move around now that they movements have gotten "big" enough for them to notice. Little Miss E is always checking to make sure things are in place at this baby's home. Enough blankets? Careful siblings? Will baby snowmen be built? She was my biggest concern when it came to the kids understanding what was happening. She knows this baby isn't her sibling, and this baby will not be living with us. All my worries about her understanding were quickly put to rest and she thinks it's as normal as can be. I love her sweet little heart. Big Man N has little to no questions, but does enjoy feeling the baby move around. 

Outside of this pregnancy this year has been enjoyable and somewhat uneventful. We've made several trips to Disney and the beach, a trip to Tennessee to visit family, added a pup-dog to the family just before Christmas, lots of baseball, tumble (gymnastics) joined the line-up this past year, and I've gained some mom friends who have just become friends. 2016 was a really great year and I'm looking forward to enjoying what 2017 has to offer. 

Quiet moment on the beach for N

Little Miss E being her sassy self

Some things have changed...

We're talking belly size here people! 

We left off last time finding out that I was indeed carrying a wee human being for my IPs. We went to a cautiously happy place finding out that the wee one was indeed able to stick around. Then we started the testing. While there was screening done prior to transfer we all know life is full of possibilities. So we went on the trek over the past three months of checking all the parts, bells, and whistles. Information is surely knowledge here, and my IPs wanted to know if their beloved babe would be facing any hardships that they should know about ahead of time. So we all waited for the proper weeks to arrive for the proper blood test to be drawn, we visited maternal-fetal medicine for a scan at 13 weeks, and we waited again for the proper week for the next blood draw. All of the screening done on this kiddo showed us what my gut already knew. Then we went on to the "big one." The scan that most everyone looks forward to, but sometimes that scan doesn't just lead to a gender reveal. It can expose life changing, or even life ending conditions. My IF was able to join me for this scan (more on that later!) 

After all of the testing, and scanning, and consulting we sat down with the doc in the maternal-fetal medicine office. This baby is beautiful. This baby is healthy. This baby is a little stubborn. This baby has scheduled naps that one should not interrupt with an ultrasound. This baby has two very happy parents and one proud surrogate. Plus, the maternal-fetal medicine doc put the cherry on top with the statement, "We have great views of this little one since there's not a lot of you to look through." At a time when I'm feeling so much larger than my normal self (those meds in the beginning are no joke!) that statement really made me feel pretty darn good. 

Being we have such great views, all sorts of blood tests, and plenty of movement now I think we have all exhaled a bit. To be clear, my exhale is more of a thankful one for my IM who understandably is going to hold her breath until she holds her sweet baby in her arms. It's so easy to take a healthy and easy pregnancy for granted, but for others like my IM they live through their darkest days just hoping to make it to that sweet baby smell. It has been a reminder to me to be thankful. To look at my children who were born healthy and be thankful, to know my children aren't missing siblings they never had a chance to meet and be thankful for that, thankful to never have felt the incredible pain of losing a child I so desperately wanted, and so incredibly thankful that my IPs have chosen me to trust to grow their sweet baby. 

Before we had the anatomy scan my IF and I were taken on a tour of the hospital. I have given birth at this hospital before, but it has been 5ish years so there have been some changes! We ran into one moment that made me give a nurse "the look," and that is when they told me I would have to sign the birth certificate since I would be considered the legal mother until the DNA test came back. First, I laughed...I told them we have no doubt that this baby is not mine. Second, I let them know that I give birth to blondes, and this baby will surely be brunette ( I know, I know this isn't sound science, but it's what was making me laugh at the moment.) My third thought I kept to myself since it was my Taurus personality reeving up for a delivery room stand, and letting them know I would be refusing to sign the birth certificate.  Now I wasn't preparing my battle for fear of being "stuck" with this little one. My first thought was thinking of another woman signing my child's birth certificate, and to say it kindly there is no way in Hades I would willingly go along with that plan out of respect for my IM. Of course one email to the agency, and particularly my case manager Mary, and this was all cleared up. The proper parents will be able to be on original birth certificate. After the tour we sat and had a quick coffee and snack break, and had a chance to just sit and chat. I still can't get over how incredible my IPs are. We get along and chat like we've known each other forever. They are so thoughtful and genuinely care about not just me as their surrogate, but as just me and for my kids. 

Now we wait some more...I do believe there will be more belly changes to document. In fact...I have some clothes on the way from two clothing mail delivery services that will be super cute for belly pictures in the future. Can't wait to share!! 

Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG)

They call it THE two week wait. They say it is one of the most terrible waits one must endure on the journey to create a human with the hands of science at play. They are correct. 

We know this little one was a 5 day blastocyst which is thought to have a better success rate compared to a 3 dayer. We know according to genetic testing (Preimplantation genetic screening, aka PGS) on this tiny one that some of the factors that contribute to early miscarriages are not present. We know that the place this little one is supposed to call home for the next 9 months is ready. We know the hormone levels that are supposed to sustain this little one in the first trimester are right....seriously...my bum can attest the presence of this hormone that must be injected daily for nearly three months. Plus the oral pills twice a day that have turned me into a lady that cannot be without her purse because that is where the pills live.We know that home pregnancy tests, LOTS of them, have told us this little one has decided to stick around and grow. We know everyone in this process is hoping for success. 

However...THE two week wait is the lead up to what many call their beta test. This is where they test for the presence of Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG.) This will tell us if indeed implantation has occurred. This will give us a hint if little one is growing in the wrong place (ectopic) as the numbers would grow too fast. It's also not unheard of for the HPTs to give false positives, or for it to be a true positive, but not a viable pregnancy. So many possibilities. However, the IM and I have had a gut feeling from the start that we were going to be having this baby. It was this feeling that we have had to rely on during this wait. 

Well...I have a secret...I've already had my first blood draw, and my hCG was 101! We were thrilled to see that number!! As great as seeing that number was...we had to wait a couple more days, because the key to hCG is seeing it grow (double really.) So two days after the first draw I went in for another to see if we were progressing. I was expecting a number between 200 & 250. Well this little one is a testing whiz already (no surprise...little one's parents are super smart,: ) and gave us a hCG of 308! Today makes four days since that last hCG blood draw, and we had another one this morning. Now we are waiting for the hCG level to be over 2000. This generally tells us that we'll be able to get our first glimpse of Tiny Tot. 

So now we go back to waiting. This seems to be a recurring theme, but all worth it in the end <3 

Well y'all...the stick says it...there's a baby in there!

8 days post transfer!

Well, okay, the medical world calls it an embryo, but to me it's my little ball-o-baby :)

Backing up a little...I started giving myself intramuscular shots of progesterone in oil several weeks ago. This hormone is the helper for the ovaries during this process as my ovaries, who would normally take care of this hormone production in the early stages of pregnancy, have essentially been told to hush since we already had a little egg fertilized and ready to go from the intended parents. They use Lupron to hush those ovaries which is also an injection, but a little bitty needle in the belly. I've also been on estrogen to build up the uterus lining and support the early pregnancy. I should be able to stop taking medications right around the end of the first trimester. I am looking forward to this, and while I know I'm lucky when it comes to the side effects of the medications, nobody really wants to take them or do it for as long as we do! Truth be told...there are nights where I let myself throw a full on tantrum because I have to give myself this shot. Then I put my girl panties on (well...off,) and get that shot stuck where the sun don't shine.

Transfer day was July 1st, and really it was simple and quick...VERY quick! Full bladder, a hair net, my dandelion transfer socks, and a ride to the OR to get this little bit put in its new home! We were in the OR for all of 15 minutes. They did a check to make sure I was indeed supposed to be having this little ball-o-baby put in there. Then they took a look on the ultrasound where we saw my VERY full bladder and this little ones new home. The most uncomfortable bit of all of this is being opened to what feels like the world. I'm super modest, but I have to believe that anyone is uncomfortable with their lady bits having a spotlight...literally...on them. Speculum in. TINY catheter bearing tiny five day old blastocyst painlessly placed right where the doc wanted. Some pushing with the ultrasound to get a picture of the tiny white speck, and the spotlight was turned off and the curtains closed. Hung out in bed for 20 minutes...finally emptied my bladder and that was it! No bed rest, they just asked I didn't try and go tour the town :)

During all of this I have to say I think I have the best intended parents. Super supportive. My IM met my friend and I at the hotel a couple hours prior to transfer so we could just spend some time. She also brought gifts for my kiddos, and let me know that my daughter's gift was picked by her oldest daughter <3 None of our kids know what's going on yet. On my side I want to make sure this goes well before I introduce the idea to my kids, and I believe that is the same thought for my IPs. So for now our kids just know we have special friends in another state. The IF joined us just after we arrived at the hospital and we all spent some time chatting and joking around with each other. Again, they are amazing. The agency that brought us together, Growing Generations, seriously hit the nail on the head with this match. Some confusion at the hospital brought about some frustrated laughs, but all in all it went very smooth.

While I was waiting to be called back to change I asked my IM if she wanted me to take home pregnancy tests or if she just wanted to wait for the blood draws. THANK GOODNESS she said to go for the home tests. My willpower would have seriously been tested if she had said no, but I have vowed to make this as much her choice and her experience as I can.

I started the home pregnancy test madness four days post transfer, and saw a SUPER faint line. One of those lines that only a mother can see!

This one I had to do a little "tweaking" to get it to show up in a photograph, but it's there! 4 days post transfer  :) 

 Day five post transfer the line was actually able to be seen in a photograph: 

Lighting isn't the best, but look close...it's there! 

Day six: 

I had a really hard time photographing this one! 

Day seven: 

Faint, but without a doubt there! 

Day eight:

There is that dark line I have been looking for!!! 

After this test I decided to go ahead with the digital! Since they're not as sensitive I wasn't sure it would pick it up since I was testing in the evening, but the picture at the top was it! 

Quick update...

Nothing much going on around here...work, school, kiddos...

I did speak with my surrogacy intake coordinator and we have scheduled my labs for this Saturday, and talked about booking my trip out to LA for the in person screening. EXCITEMENT! 

N will be starting t-ball again here in the next week or so, and this will be my last season with just one kiddo in a sport. E will start her sports life in fall after she turns 5! It was really really hard for me to keep her out of the extra activities until now, but I do feel like it was the right decision for us. Now to see what she is hoping to do....soccer? t-ball? dance? gymnastics? cheer? I do think I might have them both try out karate this summer since we have a place to go in our small town, and a good activity while they're out of school. Jeez...that made me think of the fact that E is heading into kindergarten this year...WOW. Add onto that the fact that I will be out from under the big cost of pre-kindy childcare...DOUBLE WOW. 

Which led into another thought...I know, I'm all over the place today, but it made me think of my adoption hopes. A post for another day, but these next couple years will be so exciting as our family hopefully gears up for an adoption (or two???) from the foster care system. 

On a different note..

These past two weeks have had me watching two families in some of their toughest days. One family I know personally whose 23 year old pregnant daughter is missing and presumed deceased. The other family I have never met in person, but through the blog of the mother as she went through her surrogacy journey I have "met" them. This family is surrounding their 9 year old son as his days on this earth are limited due to cancer.

No family deserves this. My thoughts have been on these families daily as they navigate these uncertain days. Life is precious.

I'll leave ya with this gem of N "driving" up to my parent's house. One day he won't be in my lap to drive....

Until later!! 

Work & Someone Else's Baby

Well hello again!

          A question I have run into frequently as the surrogacy process meanders on is, "what does your boss/work think?" Quite the legitimate question especially considering I just moved to my current position (within the same organization) just under three months ago. Like I said in my previous post I moved to a wonderful department. When I first submitted my application to be a surrogate I honestly did not think it would really happen. In my head there were women lining up out the doors to do this, and I would have to be EXTRA special to be selected, and I'm not extra special I'm just me. Well, regardless of how many women are lining up to be a surrogate my agency, Growing Generations, was very responsive from day one. I was contacted within a day or so and well...I'll go into more of the details later, but in a nutshell I realized this was really going to happen! Back to the talking to my work part...

         Some people may not have mentioned it to their boss so early, but for many reasons I did. First off I was too excited to not tell someone I was with 40 hours a week, and get along with really well. Second I wanted to get a feel for how my boss felt about it. Not that it was a deciding factor, but I felt I was better off going into this knowing what to expect on this particular front. Now, my boss is great, but is not a gung-ho babies/kids type person. Neither my boss nor my boss' significant other have a desire to have kids, but they love spoiling their nieces and nephews. So they aren't like the anti-children! Still I wasn't sure how my boss would respond.

        The response? Well it was not dramatic or very noteworthy at all. After talking in general about it I asked directly what thoughts my boss had about it. The response, "Yeah, I don't see a problem with it. Just don't leave me alone for too long!"

        I have kept the information flowing into my boss' office so there are no surprises. It's the best way I can think of to keep issues from coming up down the road. I suppose only time will tell, but I feel comfortable in knowing I'm not going to have to spring a, "SURPRISE! I went to LA and got pregnant!" line to my boss down the road.

          Again...I'm grateful to be on this journey, and to be lucky so far that I haven't hit a major pocket of resistance.

Until next time...