Some things have changed...

We're talking belly size here people! 

We left off last time finding out that I was indeed carrying a wee human being for my IPs. We went to a cautiously happy place finding out that the wee one was indeed able to stick around. Then we started the testing. While there was screening done prior to transfer we all know life is full of possibilities. So we went on the trek over the past three months of checking all the parts, bells, and whistles. Information is surely knowledge here, and my IPs wanted to know if their beloved babe would be facing any hardships that they should know about ahead of time. So we all waited for the proper weeks to arrive for the proper blood test to be drawn, we visited maternal-fetal medicine for a scan at 13 weeks, and we waited again for the proper week for the next blood draw. All of the screening done on this kiddo showed us what my gut already knew. Then we went on to the "big one." The scan that most everyone looks forward to, but sometimes that scan doesn't just lead to a gender reveal. It can expose life changing, or even life ending conditions. My IF was able to join me for this scan (more on that later!) 

After all of the testing, and scanning, and consulting we sat down with the doc in the maternal-fetal medicine office. This baby is beautiful. This baby is healthy. This baby is a little stubborn. This baby has scheduled naps that one should not interrupt with an ultrasound. This baby has two very happy parents and one proud surrogate. Plus, the maternal-fetal medicine doc put the cherry on top with the statement, "We have great views of this little one since there's not a lot of you to look through." At a time when I'm feeling so much larger than my normal self (those meds in the beginning are no joke!) that statement really made me feel pretty darn good. 

Being we have such great views, all sorts of blood tests, and plenty of movement now I think we have all exhaled a bit. To be clear, my exhale is more of a thankful one for my IM who understandably is going to hold her breath until she holds her sweet baby in her arms. It's so easy to take a healthy and easy pregnancy for granted, but for others like my IM they live through their darkest days just hoping to make it to that sweet baby smell. It has been a reminder to me to be thankful. To look at my children who were born healthy and be thankful, to know my children aren't missing siblings they never had a chance to meet and be thankful for that, thankful to never have felt the incredible pain of losing a child I so desperately wanted, and so incredibly thankful that my IPs have chosen me to trust to grow their sweet baby. 

Before we had the anatomy scan my IF and I were taken on a tour of the hospital. I have given birth at this hospital before, but it has been 5ish years so there have been some changes! We ran into one moment that made me give a nurse "the look," and that is when they told me I would have to sign the birth certificate since I would be considered the legal mother until the DNA test came back. First, I laughed...I told them we have no doubt that this baby is not mine. Second, I let them know that I give birth to blondes, and this baby will surely be brunette ( I know, I know this isn't sound science, but it's what was making me laugh at the moment.) My third thought I kept to myself since it was my Taurus personality reeving up for a delivery room stand, and letting them know I would be refusing to sign the birth certificate.  Now I wasn't preparing my battle for fear of being "stuck" with this little one. My first thought was thinking of another woman signing my child's birth certificate, and to say it kindly there is no way in Hades I would willingly go along with that plan out of respect for my IM. Of course one email to the agency, and particularly my case manager Mary, and this was all cleared up. The proper parents will be able to be on original birth certificate. After the tour we sat and had a quick coffee and snack break, and had a chance to just sit and chat. I still can't get over how incredible my IPs are. We get along and chat like we've known each other forever. They are so thoughtful and genuinely care about not just me as their surrogate, but as just me and for my kids. 

Now we wait some more...I do believe there will be more belly changes to document. In fact...I have some clothes on the way from two clothing mail delivery services that will be super cute for belly pictures in the future. Can't wait to share!! 

Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG)

They call it THE two week wait. They say it is one of the most terrible waits one must endure on the journey to create a human with the hands of science at play. They are correct. 

We know this little one was a 5 day blastocyst which is thought to have a better success rate compared to a 3 dayer. We know according to genetic testing (Preimplantation genetic screening, aka PGS) on this tiny one that some of the factors that contribute to early miscarriages are not present. We know that the place this little one is supposed to call home for the next 9 months is ready. We know the hormone levels that are supposed to sustain this little one in the first trimester are right....seriously...my bum can attest the presence of this hormone that must be injected daily for nearly three months. Plus the oral pills twice a day that have turned me into a lady that cannot be without her purse because that is where the pills live.We know that home pregnancy tests, LOTS of them, have told us this little one has decided to stick around and grow. We know everyone in this process is hoping for success. 

However...THE two week wait is the lead up to what many call their beta test. This is where they test for the presence of Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (hCG.) This will tell us if indeed implantation has occurred. This will give us a hint if little one is growing in the wrong place (ectopic) as the numbers would grow too fast. It's also not unheard of for the HPTs to give false positives, or for it to be a true positive, but not a viable pregnancy. So many possibilities. However, the IM and I have had a gut feeling from the start that we were going to be having this baby. It was this feeling that we have had to rely on during this wait. 

Well...I have a secret...I've already had my first blood draw, and my hCG was 101! We were thrilled to see that number!! As great as seeing that number was...we had to wait a couple more days, because the key to hCG is seeing it grow (double really.) So two days after the first draw I went in for another to see if we were progressing. I was expecting a number between 200 & 250. Well this little one is a testing whiz already (no surprise...little one's parents are super smart,: ) and gave us a hCG of 308! Today makes four days since that last hCG blood draw, and we had another one this morning. Now we are waiting for the hCG level to be over 2000. This generally tells us that we'll be able to get our first glimpse of Tiny Tot. 

So now we go back to waiting. This seems to be a recurring theme, but all worth it in the end <3 

Well y'all...the stick says it...there's a baby in there!

8 days post transfer!

Well, okay, the medical world calls it an embryo, but to me it's my little ball-o-baby :)

Backing up a little...I started giving myself intramuscular shots of progesterone in oil several weeks ago. This hormone is the helper for the ovaries during this process as my ovaries, who would normally take care of this hormone production in the early stages of pregnancy, have essentially been told to hush since we already had a little egg fertilized and ready to go from the intended parents. They use Lupron to hush those ovaries which is also an injection, but a little bitty needle in the belly. I've also been on estrogen to build up the uterus lining and support the early pregnancy. I should be able to stop taking medications right around the end of the first trimester. I am looking forward to this, and while I know I'm lucky when it comes to the side effects of the medications, nobody really wants to take them or do it for as long as we do! Truth be told...there are nights where I let myself throw a full on tantrum because I have to give myself this shot. Then I put my girl panties on (well...off,) and get that shot stuck where the sun don't shine.

Transfer day was July 1st, and really it was simple and quick...VERY quick! Full bladder, a hair net, my dandelion transfer socks, and a ride to the OR to get this little bit put in its new home! We were in the OR for all of 15 minutes. They did a check to make sure I was indeed supposed to be having this little ball-o-baby put in there. Then they took a look on the ultrasound where we saw my VERY full bladder and this little ones new home. The most uncomfortable bit of all of this is being opened to what feels like the world. I'm super modest, but I have to believe that anyone is uncomfortable with their lady bits having a spotlight...literally...on them. Speculum in. TINY catheter bearing tiny five day old blastocyst painlessly placed right where the doc wanted. Some pushing with the ultrasound to get a picture of the tiny white speck, and the spotlight was turned off and the curtains closed. Hung out in bed for 20 minutes...finally emptied my bladder and that was it! No bed rest, they just asked I didn't try and go tour the town :)

During all of this I have to say I think I have the best intended parents. Super supportive. My IM met my friend and I at the hotel a couple hours prior to transfer so we could just spend some time. She also brought gifts for my kiddos, and let me know that my daughter's gift was picked by her oldest daughter <3 None of our kids know what's going on yet. On my side I want to make sure this goes well before I introduce the idea to my kids, and I believe that is the same thought for my IPs. So for now our kids just know we have special friends in another state. The IF joined us just after we arrived at the hospital and we all spent some time chatting and joking around with each other. Again, they are amazing. The agency that brought us together, Growing Generations, seriously hit the nail on the head with this match. Some confusion at the hospital brought about some frustrated laughs, but all in all it went very smooth.

While I was waiting to be called back to change I asked my IM if she wanted me to take home pregnancy tests or if she just wanted to wait for the blood draws. THANK GOODNESS she said to go for the home tests. My willpower would have seriously been tested if she had said no, but I have vowed to make this as much her choice and her experience as I can.

I started the home pregnancy test madness four days post transfer, and saw a SUPER faint line. One of those lines that only a mother can see!

This one I had to do a little "tweaking" to get it to show up in a photograph, but it's there! 4 days post transfer  :) 

 Day five post transfer the line was actually able to be seen in a photograph: 

Lighting isn't the best, but look close...it's there! 

Day six: 

I had a really hard time photographing this one! 

Day seven: 

Faint, but without a doubt there! 

Day eight:

There is that dark line I have been looking for!!! 

After this test I decided to go ahead with the digital! Since they're not as sensitive I wasn't sure it would pick it up since I was testing in the evening, but the picture at the top was it! 

Quick update...

Nothing much going on around here...work, school, kiddos...

I did speak with my surrogacy intake coordinator and we have scheduled my labs for this Saturday, and talked about booking my trip out to LA for the in person screening. EXCITEMENT! 

N will be starting t-ball again here in the next week or so, and this will be my last season with just one kiddo in a sport. E will start her sports life in fall after she turns 5! It was really really hard for me to keep her out of the extra activities until now, but I do feel like it was the right decision for us. Now to see what she is hoping to do....soccer? t-ball? dance? gymnastics? cheer? I do think I might have them both try out karate this summer since we have a place to go in our small town, and a good activity while they're out of school. Jeez...that made me think of the fact that E is heading into kindergarten this year...WOW. Add onto that the fact that I will be out from under the big cost of pre-kindy childcare...DOUBLE WOW. 

Which led into another thought...I know, I'm all over the place today, but it made me think of my adoption hopes. A post for another day, but these next couple years will be so exciting as our family hopefully gears up for an adoption (or two???) from the foster care system. 

On a different note..

These past two weeks have had me watching two families in some of their toughest days. One family I know personally whose 23 year old pregnant daughter is missing and presumed deceased. The other family I have never met in person, but through the blog of the mother as she went through her surrogacy journey I have "met" them. This family is surrounding their 9 year old son as his days on this earth are limited due to cancer.

No family deserves this. My thoughts have been on these families daily as they navigate these uncertain days. Life is precious.

I'll leave ya with this gem of N "driving" up to my parent's house. One day he won't be in my lap to drive....

Until later!! 

Work & Someone Else's Baby

Well hello again!

          A question I have run into frequently as the surrogacy process meanders on is, "what does your boss/work think?" Quite the legitimate question especially considering I just moved to my current position (within the same organization) just under three months ago. Like I said in my previous post I moved to a wonderful department. When I first submitted my application to be a surrogate I honestly did not think it would really happen. In my head there were women lining up out the doors to do this, and I would have to be EXTRA special to be selected, and I'm not extra special I'm just me. Well, regardless of how many women are lining up to be a surrogate my agency, Growing Generations, was very responsive from day one. I was contacted within a day or so and well...I'll go into more of the details later, but in a nutshell I realized this was really going to happen! Back to the talking to my work part...

         Some people may not have mentioned it to their boss so early, but for many reasons I did. First off I was too excited to not tell someone I was with 40 hours a week, and get along with really well. Second I wanted to get a feel for how my boss felt about it. Not that it was a deciding factor, but I felt I was better off going into this knowing what to expect on this particular front. Now, my boss is great, but is not a gung-ho babies/kids type person. Neither my boss nor my boss' significant other have a desire to have kids, but they love spoiling their nieces and nephews. So they aren't like the anti-children! Still I wasn't sure how my boss would respond.

        The response? Well it was not dramatic or very noteworthy at all. After talking in general about it I asked directly what thoughts my boss had about it. The response, "Yeah, I don't see a problem with it. Just don't leave me alone for too long!"

        I have kept the information flowing into my boss' office so there are no surprises. It's the best way I can think of to keep issues from coming up down the road. I suppose only time will tell, but I feel comfortable in knowing I'm not going to have to spring a, "SURPRISE! I went to LA and got pregnant!" line to my boss down the road.

          Again...I'm grateful to be on this journey, and to be lucky so far that I haven't hit a major pocket of resistance.

Until next time...

       

Holding Pattern & Randomness

Surrogacy:      

         This surrogacy journey is moving crazy fast and painfully slow all at the same time! Something my military life has prepared me for..the good ole "hurry up and wait" deal. The good news is that despite my history of an irregular cycle (talking Aunt Flo here people!) I ended up having one, and now am hoping to make the trip out to California for my screening appointments soon after my next cycle that is **fingers crossed** at the end of this month. During that appointment they will make sure my body is prime baby growing real estate, and they will also do a psychological screening. During the psychological screening they want to make sure I have a support system, and that at the end of all of this I will not only give the baby(ies) to the IPs, but be able to cope and continue with life afterwards. The psychological screening will not be something new. I have been through screenings while in the military and when I was an egg donor (I'll get into this in a later post.)

Weight Loss:    

       I am attempting to lose some weight before putting my body through pregnancy. I just started going back to my gym, and have been adjusting my diet over the past couple months. My goal is to lose at least 25 pounds before I go to L.A. to get pregnant! Day one at the gym (today!) was easier than I expected. I have not tried to be within Navy standards for anything since I completed my contract in 2010, but today I hopped on the elliptical wanting to at least achieve a "passing" score according to Navy standards. I was a little surprised that I was able to achieve this on day one, but high-five to me! I went on to do the arms circuit and will be going back tomorrow to do another round on the elliptical and the legs circuit. My gym will record my settings for the circuit and set them up ahead of me as I move through the circuit. This helps make the workout not only flow better, but speeds the workout up significantly which is important since most days I will be hitting the gym after work. Thankfully I have an incredible army of babysitters, and in particular a mother and her two daughters that will be bringing the kiddos home, serving the crock-pot meal, sending them to shower, and starting homework. Doing it this way I will only miss about an hour in the evenings with them, and they will not being getting home any later. On the weekends the kiddos already think it's the coolest thing ever to go hang out at the gym. BONUS! I'm going to add a widget to the blog that counts down the pounds...GULP!

On the home front:
     
        I have been working on our chicken setup ahead of our new baby chicks moving from my parent's farm over to our home. We recently lost our flock of grown Rhode Island Red chickens that had been producing between 4-6 eggs a day so we're eager to have chicks around the yard again! We kinda-sorta-maybe-definitely treat our chickens like pets, and one in particular named Darcy we referred to as a chicken-cat-dog for her uncanny ability to emulate all three at once. With that in mind I picked out the super friendly Speckled Sussex breed, and the Americanas for the variety in their egg color this time around . We're waiting for this cold weather to pass, and the contractors that cut the underground dog fence to fix that before we bring our chicks home!




     
     

So it begins...

Kinda-sorta the beginning anyways. 2016 has brought the start of my journey as a surrogate, and I am beyond excited! 

To give some background, and some insight here is the letter (slightly edited for this post) that I wrote for my future intended parents (IP) to see:

Well hello there! 

          I am beyond excited to be part of this miraculous journey! Before I get into details about my life, my kiddos, and other ramblings I would like to tell you why I am even writing this letter to begin with, and more specifically why I want to be a (your??!!!) surrogate. 

          Surrogacy is not something to take on lightly, but for longer than I can remember it has been on my mind. My family can all attest to the memories of me as a child having a passionate affinity for playing with baby dolls. They became my first "children." I was eight years old when my sister was born, and she became my real live baby doll! I have photos of me up with her in the middle of the night rocking her back to sleep. I loved dressing her, feeding her, cuddling her, and even diaper changes! I have always felt hardwired to care for children. As life went on I knew that I wanted to have my children young and close together. I was lucky beyond measure to give birth to my son N in 2009 and daughter E in 2011. With both kiddos I feel confident saying they were very easy pregnancies, labors, and deliveries. It was between pregnancies that I realized that this was not the norm for everyone. Not only did I realize that there were people out there that could not conceive a child, but some that lost their unborn child(ren,) and it about broke me just thinking about it. I thought about how I would feel knowing a child was supposed to be in my life, and not being able get to that moment. So I decided to become an egg donor. I donated twice, and am so thrilled to have been part of these families growing process. While I do not know the outcomes of these donations (my program was anonymous) I do hope to one day be contacted, and know without a doubt that these families made it to the moment where their child was placed in their arms. For me it has been a natural progression to surrogacy. I really enjoyed being an egg donor, but was missing that moment when I saw the end result of a baby being in the arms of their parents. That in a nutshell is what has led me to surrogacy, and to this moment in which I am writing this letter. I am looking forward to the day that you hold your child(ren) for the very first time, and knowing that I can be a part of the magic is surreal. 

          So! On to my life! I was a normal kid, two parents that loved me, and two sisters (one 4 years older, one 8 years younger) that kept life interesting. We moved to the small town of High Springs, Fl when I was five years old and the 12 acres my parents bought had grass taller than me. I spent my childhood running the field, jumping on hay bales, and climbing trees. My parents still live on this property and now my kids are doing the same things I did as a small child. I played sports from a young age, and played soccer, softball, and basketball pretty much year-round. Once I started high school I focused in on soccer and was a four year varsity letterman. About three months into my senior year I realized that I was not ready to go straight into college so I joined the Navy. I graduated from high school in June of 2006 and then left for boot camp that August. I spent four years in the Navy as a Master at Arms (military police) K9 handler living some of the highest and lowest points of my life. Those years were pivotal in forming who I am today. I do not take days for granted, true friends are incredibly special people, and every day that we're alive really is not that bad of a day no matter what else is happening. During those years I also met my kids' father. He is a kind and caring person, but our relationship did not survive the tribulations that came about. However we were able to go back to the friendship we had before we were in a relationship, and for this I am so grateful knowing that it is not always possible; most importantly our kids see us positively. Once I fulfilled my military contract I made my way back to my hometown and began raising my kiddos.

           My life now consists of enjoying my kiddos and time with my parents, taking classes, and working. We live a pretty simple life and enjoy just being around each other. Gator football games are always fun to go to, but if we're not in the stadium we're watching them from home! My son N really got excited about going to the stadium and watching our team play this past year. It was so neat to see him grow into a little Gator fan! My sweet E decided about halfway through the season that it was her turn to go to a game! She's been promised a game for next season =-) They both go to a small private Christian school in our small town that has a challenging curriculum so we do a lot of reading, spelling, coloring, and cursive writing around here! We make sure school doesn't take over though, and spend lots of time out on the bicycles, scooters, and on the playhouse. In other words, we're kinda homebodies! Odds are we're either home or over at my parent's home relaxing and enjoying some chill time. Of course when the sports seasons roll around we are at practices and games. N has really grown into his sports self which is super exciting for me since I love sports!! E is starting to get a hankering, but I've decided to wait until after she turns five to get the sports life rolling for her! 

A little about my school & work life: 

           I began going to school full time when E was about three months old in 2011. I completed my AA with a focus in nursing in 2013, and immediately began to pursue my BAS in Health Service Administration. I have slowed my pace in pursuit of my BAS, but am taking a class a semester to continue to finish it. While in school for my AA I also became a nursing assistant and worked at Shands at the University of Florida (now UFHealth) for a year. It was during that time that I discovered that the world of nursing didn't have the connection I really longed for. I then started working at the College of Dentistry here at the University of Florida. Here I was responsible for 700+ patients and 22 dental students, and making sure that they were up to date on appointments, and that my students were getting all the clinical experience they needed to become a doctor of dental medicine. I loved working at this job and the interactions with both students and patients were so rewarding. However I was offered a fantastic position at the UF College of Business that I could not refuse. I now work in a wonderful department that is a MUCH slower pace than any job I have held over the past 10 years. It was a bit of an adjustment, but now I am truly enjoying the slower pace, the wonderful people that I am working with, and the flexibility that no previous job has offered. 

           So now that I have rambled on forever I want to come back around to the journey ahead. I very much look forward to this journey, and especially the moment you have your fresh bundle(s) of joy in your arms! I hope we are able to speak soon to get to know each other better and start growing baby(ies) together! 

~Much love~